I shall now try to write about something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. Let’s hope it works out. *bows*
People discuss what the key to happiness is and usually come up with a lot of different answers. One of the recurring ideas, however, is that it’s something you make yourself. I’m not quite sure if I agree with that – but I agree the way you look at things is certainly important to your happiness.
In particular, I’m talking about jealousy, and envy. I spend a lot of time being jealous of other people. It’s not good. I’m incredibly lucky and I have so many good things in my life – shouldn’t I be appreciating them, not wanting more?
Yes – I should. But I’m a perfectionist, aren’t I? I want the best available.
That’s my problem.
I need to accept that no, I don’t have that – but I do have this. I’m not a great singer, but I can write a better story than that girl. I’m not so pretty as her, but I’ve gotten to travel overseas heaps, and she hasn’t.
But I think, what’s the use in that if I can’t have what THEY’VE got?
I think a good way to put it is that I must remind myself “Their achievements do not lessen the value of your own.”
YES – they might be better at a thousand things than you.
BUT – you still are good at those things, just not as good. And that’s OK, because no matter how perfect someone may seem, there’s always things they’re bad at. ALWAYS.
Which means that you’re better than them at those things. Plus, you’re still good at other things even if they’re better!
There’s no way for one person to be perfect and always better than everyone else. It’s literally just impossible. So instead of being pointlessly jealous of people, we need to learn instead to look back at ourselves and not say ‘Oh god I’m not as good in this particular way as that other person is.’ but rather ‘Hey look at this different way in which I’m good!’
This is really super cheesy sounding, isn’t it? I can’t help it. I struggle so much with feeling horrifically jealous of people and getting upset over all my flaws – but I know that really I’m so lucky to be the way I am. I envy people’s perfect figures, but mine is naturally pretty great – shouldn’t I be loving it because it’s almost perfect instead of complaining about the 5% that I don’t like?
Can you imagine if we treated other things in the way we treat ourselves when judging them? If every movie we watched, we couldn’t enjoy unless it was perfect, unless it was the very, absolute best? If we refused to stay at a 4-star hotel, because hey, other people are in a 5-star hotel?
It would be ridiculous.
So, why is that we (I hope other people feel the same way as me about this, but I’m pretty sure some people do!) can’t be happy with ourselves unless we are perfect? Nobody else is, either.
I’m jealous because people get better marks than me. They run faster. They’re skinnier. They have more friends. They’re richer. They speak multiple languages. They’re nicer. Whatever. This is all so wrong. I HAVE to stop it – otherwise I’m never going to be able to live with myself, and that is a major problem.
Argh. I want to explain how much it hurts to hear people have more interesting lives than me – but I can’t. But you probably know exactly how I feel. So I shouldn’t even have to explain. I wrote this because I need to remind myself to do what I’ve said – but it’s not going to be an overnight thing. So maybe next I’ll write down things I should be happy about – what do you think?
I actually want feedback or something now – please, please, tell me if you agree, if you think this is possible, if you don’t understand where I’m coming from – I want to know.