Remember how I said I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore, not really? I still don’t, but I’ve made a start on the superficial side of it – what other people see, you know. The actual self part of me will have to wait, but then again, I think it’s normal for that to take a long time even if you stay in the same situation, so maybe I can relax about that.
Anyway. I digress. Here’s what I’ve decided is a reasonable persona for me to assume and grow into and maybe even keep, I don’t know just yet.
I shall be the girl who loves learning languages, and loves Europe and travelling with a PASSION. I’ll be the girl with weird fashion sense who adores vintage dresses and favours smart, form-hugging knee-length skirts over flirty short ones. I’ll be the girl who loves to read, and I’ll try and be the one who loves to write as well. I’ll be the girl who loves sophistication, and enjoys hanging out with older people, and listens to different music to the rest. I’ll be the girl who won’t put up with bullies and is indifferent to idiots.
It’s going to be hard, of course, to ignore the idiots, and to have the courage to wear the clothes I love and all that, but still – it’s worth it, isn’t it? It’s what I want, I want to wear a lovely dress for no reason and go to a coffee shop and talk to my friends about the way the media portrays censorship, or women’s rights, or Kickstarter projects, or whatever else.
I’m young though, and foolish – of course I am. I want to eat Allen’s Bananas and chocolate milkshakes, and to chase my friends over slides in kid’s playgrounds, and to discuss imaginary worlds and sing stupid songs and complain about people, and to concoct silly plots to…I don’t know, just, all that fun stuff you do with your friends that may sound kinda lame but is totally awesome at the time.
But for now, I don’t have those friends here with me where I am. So I’ll just have to throw myself into languages and wearing awesome dresses with pride. Right?
I hope it works.