Considering that I usually use this blog to vent my feelings and emotions and I’ve just started a new school which should leave me full to the brim with many feelings, I’ve not posted much. Trust me, the general discontent and emotion is all there, I’ve just been rather exhausted by school mentally speaking and concentrated more on forgetting the whole thing than rehashing it on here. But I do really want to. So, let’s start small and we’ll build up. Today shall be a positivity post – to give me courage for tomorrow, y’know? So it’s about the second time I’ve enjoyed myself at school here on the coast. Mostly.
OK. Maybe you don’t realise it, but I really really really dislike school at the moment. That’s still true. But I did enjoy myself after hating everything, too.
Let’s rewind. Yesterday I had a normal school day, then I had a field trip for drama, and a bunch of Year 10s, 11s, and 12s went to see onStage in Sydney. It was pretty cool. I really enjoyed myself. This is why.
I avoided my own year.
Yup, fantastic news isn’t it? At first I was standing with the two girls from my year I knew, trying in vain to not feel awfully self-conscious in my totally-not-very-formal denim shorts and flowy blouse. While everyone else around me was in ‘theatre-going’ clothes, the latest fashions, of course, so yay stupid jumpsuits! Big whoop! Fuck I hate this! I don’t want to stand around listening to people compliment each other’s style when I personally think they’re just boring anyway. Why don’t people try talking to me? I like talking, I talk back, it’s not like it’s hard to have a conversation with me, quite the opposite, I’ll try and keep it alive so you don’t have the bother!
And hey, I’ll go through all the ‘what if she doesn’t want me talking to her’ thing for you because guess what? I DO THAT ALL THE GODDAMN TIME AND I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO. Please send help. My eyes were prickling with tears and I kept having to bite my lip and hope no one was noticing me.
Then we got on the bus and I made the decision to sit beside the girl I knew from my bus stop. And god, am I glad I did. We didn’t talk much, instead we both read and watched the movie they were showing us (Mrs Doubtfire). But it wasn’t super awkward, thank heavens. Then when we got off, I stuck with her and a guy I’d met briefly before the bus trip and we got dinner together and had a good conversation with some other person they knew and stayed in our little group when we went to see the actual performances and discussed them afterwards and finally I sat with the same girl on the bus again.
Overall it was just a GOOD experience. Maybe I’ll explain more about why it was so nice later, but it’s late and I’m super tired. Until next time. *bows*