Welp. Somehow I made it through my first day. Let me tell you about it.
It was a massive shock to me seeing exactly how unruly a crowd my new year group is – for one thing, there’s hundreds of them, literally, and for another, it’s a public school and I’ve been to private high schools only. So all the phones, piercings, make up, skirt lengths…it was all a little strange for me. As was figuring out which classes I was supposed to be in, because I have a different class for every subject now, another thing I’m not used to. I think I did OK, though.
I met lots of people, of course, and can’t possibly remember all their names. Lots of people were really nice, and lots were nice but just disinterested. Drama was excellent, and I’m really glad I chose that elective. Anyway. What I wanted to talk about today, is talking.
I love talking, you may have noticed. And laughing. And joining in and participating. And the thing is, when you’re new that’s not so easy – at least, not if you’re me.
I worry too much about people getting a bad impression of me, but I need to remember that usually people are glad for you to talk because they don’t know what to say to the new girl, but don’t mind conversation. And I WANT to talk! I kept stopping myself, but if I think back, every time I tried contributing it was well received, well enough. And in drama, which I loved, people WANTED me to be contributing. I felt so proud of myself when we had to mime removing an accessory and I thought of high heels.
My point is, if I want to be all confident and empowered and everything, like I said, I need to speak more. Because speaking is something I can do easily and something I want to do desperately and a way of expressing myself and of explaining my character to those around me.
I’m most worried about speaking too much, of course. But then again – that’s part of who I am, I speak a lot, about lots of different things. What’s the point in hiding that fact and trying to make people like a ‘quiet’ version of me? It’ll only make me unhappy later, I’m sure.
This obviously applies to confidence in all situations, but for the moment, simply speaking up is enough of a task for me. It’s only my second day tomorrow, after all.