I mentioned that I sometimes have strange likes in comparison to my friends – and it’s true. I like AFP, not Ed Sheeran. And there’s heaps of other examples of this. I like watching Youtube videos by people like Jack and Dean – a few of my friends like watching Jenna Marbles. I liked her videos for about a week then I got annoyed with them. THAT’S FINE. We’re all entitled to different opinions.
I’ve always been loathe to share my likes as I’m so terrified people won’t like them, or will think them foolish or bad. I don’t want that, I love my music and whatever else. So I just shut up about my things most of the time, because I only want people who appreciate it to share it with me.
I think part of it is also that I’m used to being the only one, being weird, different. And I kind of like it because it feeds my superiority complex – I’m unique, I’m special. (Then knowing that there’s thousands just like me, I just don’t know them personally makes me feel sad, but I can’t change that.)
And now comes the issue of sharing it with someone else I know in real life. Oh, god no. You see, my friend Brooke discovered the Bloggess through me retweeting her. And I was jokingly asking her to come to the AFP concert with me in September, and she said she would listen to the album for me to see what it was like.
AND SHE LIKED IT.
At least, she said she did.
But I know *I* lie if someone shows me their music, so as not to hurt their feelings. I don’t like rap, but I’m always gonna lie and say ‘I actually really liked that!’ if my friend says a rap song is his favourite song.
So is she lying? I don’t know. I do know that I’m freaking out, thinking that she can’t possibly like it as much I do, because I love AFP so freaking much, and it’s the same with the Bloggess. And I honestly think I’m right – she hasn’t mentioned either Jenny or Amanda since the day that she said ‘Hey, I like this!’
I think she doesn’t lovelovelove either of them like I do – and it’s just her overenthusiastic nature that makes her praise them so much. Because I certainly know she’s not fangirling over them to her full potential – I saw an example of that when she obsessed over 1D.
Am I wrong? In wanting her to not know them if she’s not going to appreciate them as much as me? Yeah, almost certainly. I’m like a hipster – if other people know it it’s not as good. You see, in my mind, it’s like if they like it superficially, they’re insulting them. And I can’t stand that.
Far out. I’m a terrible person. I realise this. I just want to appreciate the things I love and share them with people who love them as much as I do. And I feel like my friend isn’t, because she’s not bursting to tell me wonderful quotes from it, not having to stop herself from messaging me the lyrics from a song and saying how much she loves them, she’s not LOVING it. And maybe it’s just because she’s different to me in how she shows that she likes something, I don’t know. I just don’t want my experience tainted by knowing that this song that I love is Brooke’s least favourite from the album. I don’t even know. SOMETHING LIKE THAT, anyway.
I’m bad at expressing myself, remember?