OK little blog. Give me a second, this could be a long one. I need to expel my feelings.
So, about 18 people from my year (so a little more than half of them) went on a week-long experience called Outward Bound. I really didn’t want to go because it involved things like hunger, trekking, constant tiredness, blisters, expenses, fancy hiking clothes (and the purchase of such things), being stuck with people for a week, having to go to the toilet in a bucket…yeah, super-fun stuff.
Anyway, I didn’t go. No thank you. But a lot of people did. Comparatively speaking.
And now they’re back and talking on Facebook and they all have inside jokes and shared experiences and even my best frenemy Outspoken Friend who I thought I could rely on to stay sane and cynical has succumbed to the whole ‘amazing experience with amazing people!’ thing and oh dear this is not good.
I had a pretty good week, except for my recurring depression (not the real thing obviously). But now it’s like it doesn’t count for anything and I don’t even know. It’s just bad in general.
I feel left out. I don’t want that. I do not want that at all.
And then we’ve got the whole ‘am leaving anyway’ thing and somehow that makes it all worse and I don’t even know and I’m about to cry again and I’m totally pathetic.
Maybe it’s partially because some of these people are those that I have friend-crushes on and now they’ve gone and had the whole bonding experience thing with a bunch of people who aren’t me and it’s going to be harder than ever to I think I need a new post. Back soon.