I love playing sports, but I find the emotional and mental effort exhausting. I don’t care about the physical effort, that’s good for me.

The thing I hate most about my body is the thing I should be able to change – my stomach, and then my thighs. There is a reason for this. These are the parts of my body where my lack of fitness shows itself. I have a belly and my thighs are too thick in my opinion (my mother says otherwise but I can’t trust her, can I?)

I hate that I’m not fit. I really do. Honestly.

I eat fairly well and am lucky enough to have a pretty good metabolism, but the fact is that the only sport I do is out three 40 minute lessons of sport on Mondays at school.

I don’t want to exercise because it’s boring. Who wants to do sit ups when you could be on the internet?

I do, contrary to popular belief, enjoy playing sports. Seriously. I like playing hockey and netball and soccer and touch footy or Oztag and tennis and badminton and volleyball and whatever else. Not golf. I like running around and throwing the ball and kicking things and winning and all that. It’s fun.

The only problem is, I’m not supremely good at it. I mean, I’m not the worst, but I sometimes hit the ball out of the court and trip people over and miss the ball and whatever else.

And to play those things, you need other people. Other people, who can laugh at you and your mistakes. Other people, who are better at this than you are.

Other people suck.

It’s not everyone. But I don’t have the self-confidence to play a sport I’m not brilliant at (that is, all of them) with people who will mock my attempts. I’m terrified of the laughter when I fall over and the disappointed faces and laughter if I kick the ball but miss it entirely.

Because it’s so hard to be able to get that right group of people together, I don’t play sports as much as I would like to. Because I really do like playing sports.

For instance, our class got split up into girls and boys to do gymnastics and touch footy the last two sports lessons. That made it so very much better because there are less girls who will laugh at you if you fail, so I was far more prepared to attempt a straddle jump and catch the ball and run with it.  It was really fun. I did well in both sports. Not excellently, but good for me.

It’s partially because I never played sports except for at school. I was never forced to play soccer when I was 8 so now I’m 14 and not very good at soccer. I hadn’t even ever played touch footy before last year.

It’s probably also partially due to the fact that I have moved schools so much, instead of having known everyone for years. It’s easier to play with friends, and it doesn’t matter so much if you fail a little in front of them. But when it’s someone who’s not your friend as such, but who you see on a regular basis and want the respect of? Not so easy.

This is all basically a massive excuse for not playing sports. But honestly, it’s not the physical effort that I care about. Really, really, it’s not. It’s the mental and emotional effort. I love playing sports, with certain people. That group is quite large really, but I don’t tend to get to just play with them. There’s always a few annoying people in there and that ruins the whole thing.

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